May the sun shine bright on your windowpane.

That is an old Irish Blessing and I like it.

The photo is a closeup of the center of a Pink Lady Hellebore and she speaks to me of beauty and purpose. When I touched her the name Sylvia popped into my head and made me smile, so Sylvia she is 🙂

These last four months have been difficult and I’m ashamed to say not without a bit of self pity and self doubt and judgement of who I really am. Sometimes the anxiety and depression have lead me to panic and shake and question who I really am. I’ve gotten so scared I couldn’t think straight. Lessons I thought learned have been shown to only have been introductory, like Life 101 and left me wanting and needing to get more advanced but not sure I have what it takes. Maybe I have reached a time when I need the Waters of Life to be placid more often and not like white water rafting or an old fashioned rollercoaster with dips and turns that make me slightly nauseated.

I am much improved from my Reverse Shoulder Replacement Surgery and learning to use my right shoulder without a rotator cuff (surgeon removed). I still go to therapy twice a week and am gaining more range of motion but not enough to do things I once toolk for granted, like row or use my heavy camera with telephoto for wildlife. Getting back into actively working is coming up Wednesday as I try to substitute teach for the first time since April. It isn’t the physical activity but rather the knowledge that I simply have to do it to make ends meet. It is already proving to be more difficult than I thought it would be and Im only trying to get into a better frame of mind, but will try and face it, and accept the lessons it may bring. Even if I cannot do so with enthusiasm please let me do so with grace and dignity. May I find the courage to live my life with my face turned toward the Truth and my head held high.and may I not be ashamed of the tears that may fall.

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