Faith is the highest passion in a human being. Many in every generation may not come that far, but none comes further.
A friend of mine recently shared a very personal experience with me. He told me of a time when he went alone and camped on the banks of a mighty river and for three days immersed himself in the study of Soren Kierkegard and his philosophy of Faith. I was awed by that because for a human being to intentionally sequester himself in order to seek answers to the biggest questions in life in order that he might more clearly understand why he is here takes a great deal of courage. Most of us simply accept what we are taught in the Holy Houses we are raised in. Selecting beliefs out of convenience is a superficial mode of living. To question that is not only to remove ourselves from the comfort it gives but it is to open our minds and hearts to other possibilities..
It has been many years since I reflected on Kierkegard and my friend’s story reminded me that indeed there is a purpose unto heaven. The journey is EVERYTHING. It is the here and now. It is the yesterdays and the tomorrows. It is a continuum. It is the Seeking, not the Finding that is of most importance because it is along the Seeking Journey that we truly live and if we are to truly live we must open ourselves to that which we do not know. It is a frightening thing to do.
Kierkegard also said “Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom.”
I truly wondered why my friend casually dropped the name Kierkegard. All I had asked was for him to “tell me a story”.
It was only this morning that is became clear that the story wasn’t by chance. I have been struggling with trying to understand the suicide of a young woman whom I admired and respected greatly. She was an old soul and I could not imagine what thoughts led her to take her own life. She was a Seeker and a student of life.
Then I read the following from Kierkegard’s Our Present Age.
“. . . . Nowadays not even a suicide kills himself in desperation. Before taking the step he deliberates so long and so carefully that he literally chokes with thought. It is even questionable whether he ought to be called a suicide, since it is really thought which takes his life. He does not die with deliberation but from deliberation.”
My immediate response was to shout in anger that it was the Seeking that brought her to the precipice, but I know in my heart that it was not the Seeking. This passage simply explains how someone with such beauty and such desire and passion for understanding could reach the point of stepping off her earthly journey.
We must continue the Journey and continue the Seeking, but not get bogged down in just thoughts. Take time to pause in our Seeking to literally smell the flowers and feel the sun upon our face and let our minds be quiet and let us open ourselves to the Divine.
I know that Dana is still on a very special journey and I smile.
Last Dana and I spoke she was gathering “May Pops” or Passion Flowers and she was filled with love and joy.